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Business Travel oh yea…

I just returned from a business trip to Montreal.  There and back; safe and sound; but I’m reminded of the grind business travelers face today.  If you’re a Road Warrior and reading this little ditty – I salute you!

I’ve been off the road and have retired all my 1K; Platinum; Gold; Premium; Preferred badges of honor.  Believe it or not, back in the day business travel was actually enjoyable.  Meals; upgrades; overhead compartment space; leg room!  Even the flight attendants had a sense of humor:

During a flight on a small airplane, the Flight Attendant asked a passenger if he would like to have dinner.  “What are my choices?”, the passenger asked.  “Yes or No”, the Flight Attendant replied. 

Unknown Sage 

Occasionally the pilots would join in:

Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with broken clouds; but they’ll try to have them fixed before we arrive. 

Unknown Sage

But traveling in 2015 is a whole new ball game.  Extra fees replace extra leg room.  Upgrades?  Forget about it.  BYO food and beverage.  And hope our checked bags eventually show up on the carousel.

Today’s travel is tougher for everyone; travelers and airline personnel alike.  My Montreal trip harkened me back to an era where nothing dampened the Road Warriors’ sense of humor – nor that of the airline employees working on our behalf:

After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction.  The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor.  Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. 

(By the way, this airline is the only major airline that has never had an accident.) 

P = The problem logged by the pilot.

S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.

P:  Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S:  Almost replaced the inside main tire.

P:  Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S:  Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P:  Something loose in cockpit.

S:  Something tightened in cockpit.

P:  Dead bugs on windshield.

S:  Live bugs on back-order.

P:  Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.

S:  Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P:  Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S:  Evidence removed.

P:  DME volume unbelievably loud.

S:  DME volume set to more believable level.

P:  Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S:  That’s what they’re there for.

P:  IFF inoperative.

S:  IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P:  Suspected crack in windshield.

S:  Suspect you’re right.

P:  Number 3 engine missing.

S:  Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P:  Aircraft handles funny.

S:  Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P:  Target radar hums.

S:  Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P:  Mouse in cockpit.

S:  Cat installed.

P:  Noise coming from under instrument panel.  Sounds like an elf pounding on something with a hammer.

S:  Took hammer away from elf.

Unknown Sage 

Yes here’s to you, Business Travelers; and to the airline employees too; getting us there and home safe and sound; thank you all for all that you do.

GAP

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2 Comments


  1. Nathan Sumner
    Apr 13, 2015

    Too funny. Hard to believe these are real.


    • Gary
      Apr 17, 2015

      Glad it brought a smile Nate! Yep – business travel is for the Road Warriors alright 🙂 Thx, GAP

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